the melancholy

i was diagnosed with depression in march. it came as a shock, even though i had been joking about being depressed for years. years.

you see, whenever i didn’t have plans or a job to go to, i would just stay in bed or lay around and feel sad (this happened at least monthly, sometimes more ). and then i would feel like i was wasting my life by not using those moments productively or adventurously. when i was a kid, i slept in a lot and my parents always told me i was wasting that time… you should get up early to seize the day. but getting up early was never my thing, i couldn’t do it. so i beat myself up over it for years. years. like thinking what is wrong with me? why does everybody else have this figured out? (i know that’s not true but brains like to get dramatic, don’t they?)

Continue reading “the melancholy”

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