the circles of my mind

hello new year. my, that whole thing they tell you about time accelerating as you age. it’s so true. i’m actively trying to appreciate each day. to stay present but whoosh, it just keeps rushing past.

january

i’m trying out that 1 second a day app, as a way to remember the actual days and the tiny things that happen. i guess i’m using it how i used to use film photography.

oh the things i ache to do but struggle to prioritize.

i miss shooting 35mm film daily but i don’t see the world as i used to. can i go back? did becoming a professional photographer ruin my joy in the hobby of it? the cost can be prohibitive but it’s so much better than digital. the feel of it is so special.

i don’t know what to do with the images that i have made on film these last few years. i used to blog them or share them on social media but now i overthink it too much and since it takes me years or month to develop it, it just don’t seem timely.

sept

last month, i took advantage of a holiday sale and i made these postcards with some of my favorite images i haven’t previously shared online. i am trying to create art again without having an agenda. or rather, without shutting myself down. my mind is a battlefield sometimes.

this is a good place to share that journey. i don’t want to make any promises because i’m a big dreamer and sometimes i get overly ambition and struggle to follow through.

maybe writing this old blog is a hobby i return to this year. only time will tell. but the thought of it makes me smile.

november

Hello twenty nineteen

Welcome new friend, you brand new year you. You feel like a promising new slate, like a fresh layer of snow… 

Continue reading “Hello twenty nineteen”

the melancholy

i was diagnosed with depression in march. it came as a shock, even though i had been joking about being depressed for years. years.

you see, whenever i didn’t have plans or a job to go to, i would just stay in bed or lay around and feel sad (this happened at least monthly, sometimes more ). and then i would feel like i was wasting my life by not using those moments productively or adventurously. when i was a kid, i slept in a lot and my parents always told me i was wasting that time… you should get up early to seize the day. but getting up early was never my thing, i couldn’t do it. so i beat myself up over it for years. years. like thinking what is wrong with me? why does everybody else have this figured out? (i know that’s not true but brains like to get dramatic, don’t they?)

Continue reading “the melancholy”

carpe diem

i’m learning more and more every day to appreciate the present. this is one of the things that I have always enjoyed about shooting film.

come back to bed

i’ve gotten away from shooting and sharing film these last few years. i am coming back to it, back to this space, and back to flickr. 

baby steps. here we go. rise and shine, world.

mamiya c33 / kodak ektar 100 / spring 2014 / home

finding your way

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If you’re feeling frightened about what comes next, don’t be.

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Embrace the uncertainty. Allow it to lead you places. Be brave as it challenges you to exercise both your heart and your mind as you create your own path towards happiness, don’t waste time with regret.

Spin wildly into your next action.

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Enjoy the present, each moment, as it comes; because you’ll never get another one quite like it. And if you should ever look up and find yourself lost, simply take a breath and start over. 

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Retrace your steps and go back to the purest place in your heart… where your hope lives. You’ll find your way again.

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february 2013  |  ladd’s addition, portland, oregon
mamiya c33  |  tri-x 400 |  developed by citizen’s photo  |  self-scanned
quote from the television show Everwood.

liquid sunshine

last summer, we had four straight months with no rain. four straight months!

it was crazy, so unlike oregon. this year, we got a bit of summer showers but last year, nothing, nada, dry as a bone. so when that first rain finally came… woo-hoo! i was excited! i ran outside and started photographing it. what a gorgeous sight for this oregonian.

i was truly giddy. here is what i saw that day.

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this is real life

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do you ever feel like you are constantly editing your life? what is safe to say online, what is safe to say to friends, what is safe to say to family… sometimes even what is safe to say to yourself?

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i feel this way constantly. it’s hard sometimes. sometimes you just want to let it all out.

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even in just tiny superficial ways, if nothing else, to give yourself and others the same permission to let it all out.

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i scanned these images months ago, today i ran across them and i like them more than the first time i looked at them so i wanted to share them. but some of them have scratches, imperfections.

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i thought about fixing them, taking the time to polish them up. but i kinda like the scratches and dust.

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i decided i liked these images just the way they are. imperfect, unedited.

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my world is just as imperfect as yours, let’s celebrate that for once.

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random images i made in march 2013 | self-scanned, scratched and dusty
olympus om-2n | kodak ektar 100 film