tiny beautiful things

_MG_7194_MG_7182_MG_7192_MG_7189_MG_7183 _MG_7186

People from a planet without flowers would think we must be mad with joy the whole time to have such things about us.
―Iris Murdoch

_MG_7226 _MG_7227_MG_7234_MG_7235 _MG_7238

photographs made during a wander around Astoria in earlier this month | canon 30d | 28mm

sunshine and petals

lan su chinese garden

lan su chinese garden

lan su chinese garden

Just a couple of photos I took last spring at the Lan Su Chinese Garden / Nikon D5300 / Lensbaby

circles and lines

september 15 / after work, on my way home

this last month, i’ve been carrying around my digital camera most days. i try to bring it with me everyday but somedays i just don’t feel like it and that’s ok. the overall goal is to capture my everyday life again and to learn my camera better. i’ve tried 3 times to do a 365 and it’s just not my thing. i need time away from the camera to appreciate it. i need to take pleasure in it and to not feel like it’s a requirement. when i was doing a 365, somedays i would resent the project and feel uninspired. i don’t want to resent photography. it’s such a gift to me to view the world through these lovely tools and i want to keep finding the magic in it.

i find if i put a lot of controls or requirements in my life, i get angry at those things. i know if i start to resent something, it isn’t working for me. that’s when it’s time to find a different way to do things. this is something i’ve learned to accept within myself, like an internal barometer. i also know there is always another way to get where i want to go. as i grow and learn, i get better and quicker at finding ways around myself.

canon 50d / 28mm lens

in the kitchen









i’m getting back to shooting and cooking regularly. it feel good and right. i’m more and more at home with myself lately. learning to really love yourself is such a lifelong journey.

hello out there.

carpe diem

i’m learning more and more every day to appreciate the present. this is one of the things that I have always enjoyed about shooting film.

come back to bed

i’ve gotten away from shooting and sharing film these last few years. i am coming back to it, back to this space, and back to flickr. 

baby steps. here we go. rise and shine, world.

mamiya c33 / kodak ektar 100 / spring 2014 / home

finding myself

i’ve gone through a lot of changes in the last year. it’s been tough. almost every part of my life has changed. i was unemployed for most of 2013, my relationship of almost 3 years ended, which caused me to move twice, i had to foster out my cat for 4 months (i will forever be grateful to my friend who took her in.), basically everything fell apart. i fell apart too. i’m still recovering but things are so much better.

i have a new job that i love and where i feel valued.

i have a great apartment with an awesome roommate and my sweet cat by my side again.

i love the area of town i live in, lots of things at my fingertips.

i’ve finally found a fitness routine that works for me, in a community that constantly supports and inspires me to push myself to be stronger and healthier. i’m fitter than i have been in years, maybe ever. I feel amazing.

i’ve started cooking for myself again and, goodness, i make good food. well at least I think so! all those years working in a dungeon of a kitchen are finally paying off in my day-to-day life.

but i am still not living it to my potential. i am still limiting myself. i’ve been clinging to a past that isn’t healthy, that doesn’t work for me. it’s crazy how easy it is to fall back into old habits, to do what feels comfortable, to run backwards when you should really be going forward, when you should bravely be embracing the unknown and putting yourself out there. sometimes it’s hard to ask yourself the hard questions because you know you aren’t doing everything you can be your happiest, best self.

life is amazing but also very hard. and we aren’t the easiest on ourselves, are we? today is my 35th birthday, my yearly reminder to keep my eyes forward, to march forth. let’s do this!

keep it loose, keep it tight

20140222-004232.jpg

20140222-004252.jpg

20140222-004313.jpg

20140222-004326.jpg

20140222-004341.jpg

20140222-004357.jpg

20140222-004429.jpg

20140222-004442.jpg

My plan for life is loose. To take care of myself, to love the people in my life, to experience as much as I can of things that feel good and to learn from the ones that don’t. To follow my gut, it’s yet to be wrong. Touch heals. To thrive at life. Accept death and change. Feel my feelings and move on. The answer is always love, the question is…

finding your way

trix_Scan2

If you’re feeling frightened about what comes next, don’t be.

trix_Scan1

Embrace the uncertainty. Allow it to lead you places. Be brave as it challenges you to exercise both your heart and your mind as you create your own path towards happiness, don’t waste time with regret.

Spin wildly into your next action.

trix_Scan3

Enjoy the present, each moment, as it comes; because you’ll never get another one quite like it. And if you should ever look up and find yourself lost, simply take a breath and start over. 

trix_Scan4

Retrace your steps and go back to the purest place in your heart… where your hope lives. You’ll find your way again.

+ + +

february 2013  |  ladd’s addition, portland, oregon
mamiya c33  |  tri-x 400 |  developed by citizen’s photo  |  self-scanned
quote from the television show Everwood.

happy national cat day!

this long neglected space has been in desperate need of an update. what better day to start than national cat day?

here is the story of my beloved cat and her surroundings on a pleasant spring day.

ektar2

ektar3

ektar4

ektar10

ektar7

ektar12

ektar8

ektar5

ektar6

ektar9

ektar11

mamiya c33 | kodak ektar 100 | developed by citizen’s photo | scanned by me

more soon!
—vanessa

liquid sunshine

last summer, we had four straight months with no rain. four straight months!

it was crazy, so unlike oregon. this year, we got a bit of summer showers but last year, nothing, nada, dry as a bone. so when that first rain finally came… woo-hoo! i was excited! i ran outside and started photographing it. what a gorgeous sight for this oregonian.

i was truly giddy. here is what i saw that day.

37630013

37630014

37630015

37630023_24

37630020

37630025

37630016_1718

37630019

37630024

37630021_26

37630027

37630032

37630028_30

37630031

this is real life

14_ektar
do you ever feel like you are constantly editing your life? what is safe to say online, what is safe to say to friends, what is safe to say to family… sometimes even what is safe to say to yourself?

12_ektar
i feel this way constantly. it’s hard sometimes. sometimes you just want to let it all out.

18_ektar
even in just tiny superficial ways, if nothing else, to give yourself and others the same permission to let it all out.

19_ektar
i scanned these images months ago, today i ran across them and i like them more than the first time i looked at them so i wanted to share them. but some of them have scratches, imperfections.

13_ektar
i thought about fixing them, taking the time to polish them up. but i kinda like the scratches and dust.

25_ektar
i decided i liked these images just the way they are. imperfect, unedited.

21_ektar
my world is just as imperfect as yours, let’s celebrate that for once.

22_ektar

random images i made in march 2013 | self-scanned, scratched and dusty
olympus om-2n | kodak ektar 100 film

the call

03_ektar

04_ektar

09_ektar

“The most regretful people on earth are those who felt the call to creative work, who felt their own creative power restive and uprising, and gave to it neither power nor time.”
― Mary Oliver

16_ektar

self-portraits from march 2013 | olympus om-2n | kodak ektar 100 film