the circles of my mind

hello new year. my, that whole thing they tell you about time accelerating as you age. it’s so true. i’m actively trying to appreciate each day. to stay present but whoosh, it just keeps rushing past.

january

i’m trying out that 1 second a day app, as a way to remember the actual days and the tiny things that happen. i guess i’m using it how i used to use film photography.

oh the things i ache to do but struggle to prioritize.

i miss shooting 35mm film daily but i don’t see the world as i used to. can i go back? did becoming a professional photographer ruin my joy in the hobby of it? the cost can be prohibitive but it’s so much better than digital. the feel of it is so special.

i don’t know what to do with the images that i have made on film these last few years. i used to blog them or share them on social media but now i overthink it too much and since it takes me years or month to develop it, it just don’t seem timely.

sept

last month, i took advantage of a holiday sale and i made these postcards with some of my favorite images i haven’t previously shared online. i am trying to create art again without having an agenda. or rather, without shutting myself down. my mind is a battlefield sometimes.

this is a good place to share that journey. i don’t want to make any promises because i’m a big dreamer and sometimes i get overly ambition and struggle to follow through.

maybe writing this old blog is a hobby i return to this year. only time will tell. but the thought of it makes me smile.

november

11.17.17 / 22:17

Today was one of those days I described in my last post. The I don’t want to get out of bed type. But I did, eventually.  And I made it through. I was a productive citizen. 

The best part of my day… Well there was two good parts: I’m teaching myself (with some skillshare and Google) time lapse photography for a work project. The second was hanging out with him, he always makes my day better. 

Suddenly I’m all vulnerable and honest here. Not hiding behind photos. It feels nice so far but a little scary too. 

: ::: ::: ::: ::: ::: :

Things I plan to work on in the next week:

Getting more protein in my diet and planning enough solid meals for myself. The last two days I’ve been starving by the end of the day. Gotta sort out a better way. 

Getting more rest. 

Drinking more water throughout the day. 

finding myself

i’ve gone through a lot of changes in the last year. it’s been tough. almost every part of my life has changed. i was unemployed for most of 2013, my relationship of almost 3 years ended, which caused me to move twice, i had to foster out my cat for 4 months (i will forever be grateful to my friend who took her in.), basically everything fell apart. i fell apart too. i’m still recovering but things are so much better.

i have a new job that i love and where i feel valued.

i have a great apartment with an awesome roommate and my sweet cat by my side again.

i love the area of town i live in, lots of things at my fingertips.

i’ve finally found a fitness routine that works for me, in a community that constantly supports and inspires me to push myself to be stronger and healthier. i’m fitter than i have been in years, maybe ever. I feel amazing.

i’ve started cooking for myself again and, goodness, i make good food. well at least I think so! all those years working in a dungeon of a kitchen are finally paying off in my day-to-day life.

but i am still not living it to my potential. i am still limiting myself. i’ve been clinging to a past that isn’t healthy, that doesn’t work for me. it’s crazy how easy it is to fall back into old habits, to do what feels comfortable, to run backwards when you should really be going forward, when you should bravely be embracing the unknown and putting yourself out there. sometimes it’s hard to ask yourself the hard questions because you know you aren’t doing everything you can be your happiest, best self.

life is amazing but also very hard. and we aren’t the easiest on ourselves, are we? today is my 35th birthday, my yearly reminder to keep my eyes forward, to march forth. let’s do this!