11.17.17 / 22:17

Today was one of those days I described in my last post. The I don’t want to get out of bed type. But I did, eventually.  And I made it through. I was a productive citizen. 

The best part of my day… Well there was two good parts: I’m teaching myself (with some skillshare and Google) time lapse photography for a work project. The second was hanging out with him, he always makes my day better. 

Suddenly I’m all vulnerable and honest here. Not hiding behind photos. It feels nice so far but a little scary too. 

: ::: ::: ::: ::: ::: :

Things I plan to work on in the next week:

Getting more protein in my diet and planning enough solid meals for myself. The last two days I’ve been starving by the end of the day. Gotta sort out a better way. 

Getting more rest. 

Drinking more water throughout the day. 

the melancholy

i was diagnosed with depression in march. it came as a shock, even though i had been joking about being depressed for years. years.

you see, whenever i didn’t have plans or a job to go to, i would just stay in bed or lay around and feel sad (this happened at least monthly, sometimes more ). and then i would feel like i was wasting my life by not using those moments productively or adventurously. when i was a kid, i slept in a lot and my parents always told me i was wasting that time… you should get up early to seize the day. but getting up early was never my thing, i couldn’t do it. so i beat myself up over it for years. years. like thinking what is wrong with me? why does everybody else have this figured out? (i know that’s not true but brains like to get dramatic, don’t they?)

Continue reading “the melancholy”

the eleventh month

I tried to do nablopomo last year and I only made it half way through.

I am not a daily anything person, no matter how much I want to be… no matter how much I love the idea of it. At some point, I forget or just get to the end of the day and I just can’t. Some projects are as short as 7 days and I will do the work (as in take the photos) but when it comes to posting… I just don’t/can’t/won’t.

Here it is Nov. 3 and I forgot it was even nablopomo until I visited my talented friend Andrea’s blog and saw her posting again. (She’s amazing, seriously… click that link.)

Continue reading “the eleventh month”

how i feel right now

sad

heartbroken

confused

angry

fired-up to get involved

fighty

frustrated

tired

and many more emotions that don’t have words

Continue reading “how i feel right now”

add a space

do you ever break down words to get to the heart of it, then turned it into word association? me neither, until now.

dis ease / not easy / anti ease
mis take / don’t take / not take
over all / lord / above
in to / movement
all ways / every where / love
full fill / fill while full

*I wrote this two and a half years ago, it seems appropriate to share now. I’m still processing this week. So here we are. 

I can’t even 

Today was roller coaster. I need to process it. I didn’t see this coming.

Continue reading “I can’t even “

65 degrees

We’re having an unseasonably warm November. I’m ready for things to get brisk. I’m ready to see my own breath.