i was diagnosed with depression in march. it came as a shock, even though i had been joking about being depressed for years. years.
you see, whenever i didn’t have plans or a job to go to, i would just stay in bed or lay around and feel sad (this happened at least monthly, sometimes more ). and then i would feel like i was wasting my life by not using those moments productively or adventurously. when i was a kid, i slept in a lot and my parents always told me i was wasting that time… you should get up early to seize the day. but getting up early was never my thing, i couldn’t do it. so i beat myself up over it for years. years. like thinking what is wrong with me? why does everybody else have this figured out? (i know that’s not true but brains like to get dramatic, don’t they?)
Continue reading “the melancholy”
I’ve had this blog for 6 years. I was initially very active but over the years, I lost my steam. This month is the first time I have posted in over a year. The last three years, it’s been rather quiet here. Continue reading “six years ago”
fired-up to get involved
and many more emotions that don’t have words
Continue reading “how i feel right now”
do you ever break down words to get to the heart of it, then turned it into word association? me neither, until now.
dis ease / not easy / anti ease
mis take / don’t take / not take
over all / lord / above
in to / movement
all ways / every where / love
full fill / fill while full
*I wrote this two and a half years ago, it seems appropriate to share now. I’m still processing this week. So here we are.
Today was roller coaster. I need to process it. I didn’t see this coming.
Continue reading “I can’t even “
things I’m practicing this month
more boot camp (2-3 days a week, adding this to my 1-2 days of weightlifting)
30 days of yoga
meditation, twice a week
tracking my food and water intake
self-gratitude for my body and abilities
nablopomo with personal daily photos
7:00 woke and packed clothes for the day / 7:30 exercised at fit body boot camp / 9:00 went to work at nunm / 17:00 therapy appt / 18:15 visited dispensary and gas station / 19:00 home / 19:30 yoga / 20:00 ate dinner / 20:45 partially voted (turns out it’s going to be a two-night deal) / 22:15 made breakfast and packed my clothes for tomorrow / 22:45 showered / 23:00 in bed, writing this blogpost
23:45 good night, gracie
whew, what a productive day!