in the midst

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it’s hard to talk about this moment without calling it by it’s name.

we are in the midst of a pandemic.

and the best way we can combat it is to stay home. we must cut ourselves off the from each other to survive. as a result, the pace of our society has slowed. it still churns, after all capitalism does not stop, not even for death.

my days have changed dramatically in the last month. i now work from home, my commute for the last 6.5 year has been about 6 miles each way. now it is less than 60 feet. at night the freeway outside my windows gets almost silent, as if we are on an indefinite snow day.

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it’s strange… to be a part of  something collectively but also to be so separate. I am literally alone all the time. my only companion is grace.

and thank goodness for grace. i am still shocked that she has been with me so long… we are past our 14th anniversary together. i was the tender age of 26 when i took her home, i am now 41. i did not process the longevity of this commitment at the time. but the longer we have been together, especially now that we have a place of our own… oh how I treasure our time together. i am forever grateful to share my life with her. she may very well be the love of my life. i have deep gratitude that we get to share these days. no other being would i rather be in quarantine with.

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one routine i’ve found joy in is a daily outdoor walk, run or street dance. I usually take a camera with me and capture some of the plant life in my neighborhood. spring is just beginning here and the plants are busting out their sunday best. I try to capture their beauty. sometimes i bring a prism to add a rainbow to the mix.

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not since i was a teenager did i spend so much time in one place. i’m really enjoying it. i get to learn the flora and fauna around me and watch it change and grow everyday. it feels both like an honor and a gift to watch all this life unfurl before my eyes.

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i do not want to dwell on the future right now. it is a tapestry unbeknownst to us. one we will make as we go. sadly, we will not all make it.

i hope i can continue to find these small, beautiful moments, no matter what is ahead. life is short and long. it is complex and simple. i hope to continue to hold it in my hand, in my camera and be both astonished and beholden to it.

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the kindling within

i feel the muse stirring. i want to create. i’m brimming with ideas of new personal work. it’s exciting. i haven’t felt compelled to really create anything for myself in a long, long while, aside from a photo here and there.

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Continue reading “the kindling within”

natural close-up

i’m a big lover of nature.
there is so much beauty in this world.
plant life never ceases to amazing me.
the variety and vibrance feels infinite. Continue reading “natural close-up”

six years ago

I’ve had this blog for 6 years. I was initially very active but over the years, I lost my steam. This month is the first time I have posted in over a year. The last three years, it’s been rather quiet here. Continue reading “six years ago”

the color red

On Tuesday night when I saw the majority of the US map turn red, I said, “this is making me dislike the color red.” “It’s like the country is hemorrhaging.”

Continue reading “the color red”

how i feel right now

sad

heartbroken

confused

angry

fired-up to get involved

fighty

frustrated

tired

and many more emotions that don’t have words

Continue reading “how i feel right now”

add a space

do you ever break down words to get to the heart of it, then turned it into word association? me neither, until now.

dis ease / not easy / anti ease
mis take / don’t take / not take
over all / lord / above
in to / movement
all ways / every where / love
full fill / fill while full

*I wrote this two and a half years ago, it seems appropriate to share now. I’m still processing this week. So here we are. 

I can’t even 

Today was roller coaster. I need to process it. I didn’t see this coming.

Continue reading “I can’t even “

65 degrees

We’re having an unseasonably warm November. I’m ready for things to get brisk. I’m ready to see my own breath.

we drink wine on sundays 

I can’t think of a better way to spend Sunday than going wine tasting with my dad and stepmom in wine country. We tried almost a dozen wines and had lots of laughs and delicious food along the way. It was a beautiful day.

Cheers!