Welcome new friend, you brand new year you. You feel like a promising new slate, like a fresh layer of snow…
i feel the muse stirring. i want to create. i’m brimming with ideas of new personal work. it’s exciting. i haven’t felt compelled to really create anything for myself in a long, long while, aside from a photo here and there.
The funny thing about blogging is the questioning of the practice. I question that I have anything to share… to which I realize we all have something to share. To live is to share, right? We are taught it early… share, share, share. But as you age, you become self-conscious of what you share. You question everything, right down to the space and resources you use up to exist, and thereby your necessity or joy to share.
Today was one of those days I described in my last post. The I don’t want to get out of bed type. But I did, eventually. And I made it through. I was a productive citizen.
The best part of my day… Well there was two good parts: I’m teaching myself (with some skillshare and Google) time lapse photography for a work project. The second was hanging out with him, he always makes my day better.
Suddenly I’m all vulnerable and honest here. Not hiding behind photos. It feels nice so far but a little scary too.
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Things I plan to work on in the next week:
Getting more protein in my diet and planning enough solid meals for myself. The last two days I’ve been starving by the end of the day. Gotta sort out a better way.
Getting more rest.
Drinking more water throughout the day.
i was diagnosed with depression in march. it came as a shock, even though i had been joking about being depressed for years. years.
you see, whenever i didn’t have plans or a job to go to, i would just stay in bed or lay around and feel sad (this happened at least monthly, sometimes more ). and then i would feel like i was wasting my life by not using those moments productively or adventurously. when i was a kid, i slept in a lot and my parents always told me i was wasting that time… you should get up early to seize the day. but getting up early was never my thing, i couldn’t do it. so i beat myself up over it for years. years. like thinking what is wrong with me? why does everybody else have this figured out? (i know that’s not true but brains like to get dramatic, don’t they?)
I tried to do nablopomo last year and I only made it half way through.
I am not a daily anything person, no matter how much I want to be… no matter how much I love the idea of it. At some point, I forget or just get to the end of the day and I just can’t. Some projects are as short as 7 days and I will do the work (as in take the photos) but when it comes to posting… I just don’t/can’t/won’t.
Here it is Nov. 3 and I forgot it was even nablopomo until I visited my talented friend Andrea’s blog and saw her posting again. (She’s amazing, seriously… click that link.)